As “the scene’s cool older brother,” one of my dreams is that you will avoid making the same painful, stupid mistakes that I did in my teens and twenties. My hope is that by telling you about all the dumb shit I’ve done over the years, you can learn from MY mistakes instead of your own. Of course, one of the cruel ironies is that when you are young enough to avoid making these mistakes, you also think that you know everything so you don’t listen to people when they try to help you, so this is probably pointless… but for whatever it’s worth, here are a couple things that I really, really, really hope you consider and take to heart– you could save yourself years of pain.
It can and WILL happen to you
You know how old people are always lecturing you about how you young kids think you’re invincible? Well, they are right. That’s totally how you feel– you think that it won’t happen to you, that you can tempt fate but the consequences only happen to other people. Well, let me tell you, you’re wrong. It WILL happen to you. Fuck enough random dirty girls/guys and you WILL get an STD. Get in enough fights and you WILL go to jail. Do enough drugs and you WILL end up an addict. You can tempt fate for a while– years even– before your number comes up, but I promise you that if you keep rolling the dice, eventually you will get burned.
The really scary part is that you don’t see it coming until it’s too late… you don’t realize that this time you REALLY fucked up until you see the lights of the police car, the doctor tells you that you have herpes, etc. And it only takes a second to make a mistake that can take years and years to dig yourself out of. Trust me, do the smart thing and don’t play with fire in the first place because you WILL get burned, and you will instantly want to kick your own ass for doing something that you KNEW was fucking stupid.
Which brings me to my second piece of advice…
THINK before you act/talk
I’m sure it’s funny hearing this from me, someone who has said countless dumb, regrettable things over the years. If I had a dollar for everytime I did or said something, only to IMMEDIATELY get that sinking feeling in my stomach like “well fuck… that wasn’t the right move,” I could buy like a fucking small planet or something.
I know sometimes it’s hard to know what the right thing to do is, which is why I like to use what they call the “TV test.” Basically, imagine that you are being broadcast on live national TV, and act accordingly. If the thing you are about to do or say isn’t something you would want to be seen on TV, then it’s probably a bad idea.
For example, would you be proud to have the TV audience see you spend 2 hours debating on some forum about whether [band] is REAL pop-punk? Would you want them to see you getting shitfaced on a Tuesday night when you have a paper due the next morning? Would you want to be that guy on TV who loses his temper at work and storms out over some trivial bullshit?
Hard works pays off (but sometimes it takes a really long time)
The tough part about “doing the right thing” is that it never pays off as quickly as you want it to, so it feels like you’re not getting anywhere, like you are grinding and grinding and grinding but still staying stationary. For example, when I was in college and taking 16 credits and working full time, getting up at 5am and not coming home until 9pm. I did this for years, and it felt like I was on an endless treadmill and it was so so discouraging. But I stuck with it, I graduated 5 years ago, and I literally make twice as much money as I did when I graduated.
I think it’s all about adjusting the way you look at things. Important shit takes YEARS to achieve, so don’t look for daily progress because it just isn’t gonna be there. If you compare today to yesterday, it will just bum you out because it will feel like you haven’t gotten anywhere. Instead, compare today to 6 months ago, 1 year ago, or 5 years ago– THEN you will see how far you have really come and it will feel awesome.
Whatever you do, don’t be that fucking lame dude who quits the minute things get hard. I PROMISE you that if you grind hard enough and long in the right direction, it WILL pay off. Maybe not as fast as you want, and maybe not in exactly the way you thought it would, but it WILL pay off.
Don’t look for the right girl, focus on being the right guy
I think this one is pretty self-explanatory, but it has to be said. I feel super bad for wifeable girls in their early 20s (and contrary to popular belief there are lots of them) because holy shit guys in their 20s suck. I was way more interested in collecting video games, posting on the Relapse forum, and complaining about my job than I was in making my girlfriend happy, and what kind of decent girl is going to put up with that? Instead of pissing and moaning about how you can’t find a qt gf, take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself if you’re the guy that your dream girl would want to be with– if you are reading this, chances are that you’re not lol (sorry, but it’s true).
